I often wonder whether everyone is the same as me or, whether I am in deed a bit . . .erm . . "special" as my partner tells me. Not special as in a rare gift from heaven, but special as in a bit tapped/slightly barking/one of gods special people etc. You see, I am not just Cathi Gaughan, short woman who loves muscles, tattoos has a very eclectic taste in EVERYTHING, and seeks out people who make me laugh and live on the bright side of life. I am two very different people, both of which are present all the time.
Most people have that little voice in their head from time to time that tells them what they are doing is wrong. I don't. I have two voices that at times both egg me on to do bad stuff, or good stuff depending on their mood. My partner Rob is oft heard to say "will the two of you stop arguing", as I wander round the room chuntering to myself.
Let's have a for instance here shall we? OK. One part of my soul thrives on neat, tidy and precise living. I will wake in a morning and that part is always up first planning, sorting, indexing my day ahead. If I were left alone with her, my day would start around 0500 hrs with a dog walk, followed by 45 minutes of yoga, 20 minute run (keeping it nice and steady, hey, we don't want to snap anyone's shit up here) and ensuring that my daughters lunch was made, packed and ready by 0800 hrs. After the daughter has left precision me will then have tabulated the next couple of hours of my day to ensuring the house is tidy, the laundry done, ironing finished leaving me a clear desk to get on and work for a couple of hours. Break for lunch (lunch being something wholesome and good for me), then 40 minutes meditation, sort out the dragons, make the evening meal, walk dog again eat meal, settle down for evening relaxation ensuring to chat with angry teenaager. Calm, organised me has a little light music playing in her head "The Girl From Ipanema", gently tinkling away making my hips sway as I go.
But, as soon as this planning has been done by organised me, chaos me wakes up. Chaos me likes a lay in, fuck the laundry that can be done later. Chaos me is opposed to any activity outside if the sun is not up (preferably by a good couple of hours). Chaos me likes flinging car keys/hats/ipods/phones anywhere in the house without taking any notice of where it was flungeth. Chaos me loves the training thing but pff 20 minutes of running? FUCK THAT chaos me wants 10 minutes of sprinting, followed by 40 minutes of lifting the heaviest weights I can find around. Chaos me says "UP YOURS" to stretching or doing any research into how NOT to injure yourself. Chaos me enjoys one simple thing CHAOS! Chaos me has The Prodigy V Limp Bizkit playing full tilt
. . . and these two me's do clash . . . daily. I will be up in a morning and organised me will be telling my my next appointment after bathroom ritual is dog walking. On hearing this chaos me will shout "ha! the dog can wait COFFEE TIME and make it a big one". I have to admit chaos me does win out most days on this one whilst Prodigy is playing on the stereo in the kitchen.
However, the two of me do, very, very regularly even me out. We will happily discuss the best way to resolve problems ie should we just throat punch that man who shoved us in the supermarket or just IMAGINE we throat punched him and walk away giggling. Happy to say I have never throat punched anyone as organised me is also a pain hating, pacifist and she is REALLY loud about that bit. I have a tidy house that is vacuumed daily with a part of my relaxation area covered in a multitude of bright silk cushions flung into a mad nest on a multicoloured iranian rug. My dog gets walked twice a day but it is very hit and miss to when her morning walk occurs some days it's 0530 hrs others it's mid day, depending on who won out that morning in my head.
I always get my daughters lunch ready for her to leave by 0800 hrs but some days it will be made in an insane rush at 0750 hrs, others it is done, packed and kitchen spotless by 0730 hrs.
We like our life together, we are the best of friends who debate, argue, fight, giggle and happily do bad stuff often. My life being the two of me is a passionate, chaotic, organised wonderland.
Happy Valentines day me. Thank you me. Love you! Love you too.
Here's to being a happy organised chaotic tidy mess of a woman.