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| One of them is plotting, the other enjoying the sun |
In my span on this round spinny thing, I have been the owner
of Goth, Hamlet, Jasper, Pippa & Jess, all of which were cats. I have also been the owner of Judas, Jack,
Nikki and (still owning) Sasha all of which were/are dogs. Apart from the obvious different species thing,
these furry compadres we allow into our home are so streets apart from each
other it is unreal. There is a gaping
chasm of what we allow one species to do, and what we allow the other. I shall proffer some explanations for you:
If a cat were to, of it's own volition (because trust me
cats could do this) decide to move house; you would get home after a hard day
at the avoiding any work, to find you had no settee, no legs of any chair, no
duvets and a
cat would be waiting patiently tapping it's cane on the floor
(cats can do that too) awaiting you to relinquish your rights to the bottom
half of your legs. The reason for this
is, the cats have marked it, rubbed it ergo it belongs to them.
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| See, told you they had canes |
If a dog were to, of it's own volition (it never would, this
is really just a space filler) decide to move home. It wouldn't.
It would rely far too much on you to pack stuff, prepare travel meals,
buy their house, kit their house out and ensure that you were actually in their
new house to do stuff for them when they got there.
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| Max said he wanted to move |
If a cat wants to get warm, know this: Cat's basically own
YOU. If you have ever (laughs in head)
owned a cat you will be aware that walking round the house with a cat scarf is
just normal. The reason you are wearing said
cat scarf is because you sat on THEIR settee, they saw 'warm snuffle place',
ensconced themselves on it ie your neck/shoulder area and refused to move just
because you wanted to.
If a dog wants to get warm.
It just looks sad and shivers in front of you, glancing at that spot on
the settee where the cat is laying and they are not allowed. This pisses dogs off by the way, just so's
you know. This is why paw to settee
action by beloved hound, is frequent in a home that has both feline and canine owners/tenants.
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| This look means "rub me with a dry towel and put me near a log fire please" |
Cats have read about Pavlov's Dog. One meep means you run to kitchen and fill
bowl. Two meeps means I have eaten the
central biscuit/food area and therefore bowl is empty and you need to return to
kitchen. Three meeps is "I may have
worms". Continual meeping is just
one greedy bastard cat that has you trained and finds it funny that you run in
and out of the kitchen at meeping sound.
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| How Your Cat Views Their Rations (always meagre is generally the answer) |
However, dogs will get hungry and, well, be hungry. They will if very hungry look at you in a sad
way whilst whistling gently through their noses. This stops if you tell them to shut up. Then they just do the pleading stare . . .
unlike cats . . who are very persistent with it all.
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| Dog owners, learn this. This is the 'pleading stare'. It means 'feed me/walk me/feed me/walk me . . ." ad infinitum or 'what? You want to go out without me?" |
Cats don't need brushing, they have secret brush and comb
sets that they use frequently when you are asleep/out.
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| This persian has hidden comb pockets . . trust me on this one |
Dogs need brushing, cleaning, washing, shampooing, combing,
also the need for washing down walls heavily shook upon by dogs is a regular
thing. Cats find this hilarious.
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| A picture paints a thousand words,most of them when it comes to a dog say "mud/dirt/hair" |
Cats can pooh in a box in a house.
Dogs would be thrashed to an inch of their lives should they
try to crap in a box in your house flicking rubble all over your bathroom.
Cats have little doors especially made for them so, at any
point in the day, they can put their secret combs in their secret pockets and
pop out to the club (they have secret clubs waited on by Poodles). Cat's understand when flap is closed, curl up
on settee.
Dogs, if they are lucky, get mac off huge dog flaps put in
the door and can only go into the garden as they are too stupid to be allowed
out on their own unaccompanied. Dogs
also don't notice the dog flap is closed (DO THEY JACK) and charge through it,
breaking both dog flap and part of door, meaning expensive solid wood (yes
SOLID WOOD JACK) door has to be replaced.
This ensures dogs only go out in garden when owner opens door.
Cats get special little mansions to sharpen their claws and
climb on. These, some times 3 tiered
affairs, have sparkly swingy things to play with, holes to hide in, rope to
claw.
Dogs don't. Dogs get
a bed to sleep on and something to chew (if they're lucky). You just wouldn't trust a dog version of
that. Come home, dog leaps at you with
the enthusiasm of a 7 year old full of sugar after a party, from top tier of
dog mansion. You = dead.
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| No matter how much you love Spot, you know him landing is going to hurt |
A cat when miffed by unwanted human activity will go from
cute curled up ball of fluff, to multi bladed arm lacerating ninja in a matter
of nano seconds.
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| from this |
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| to this in a nano second |
A dog when miffed, stays on its bed grumbling, gets told to shut up and remains quietly (or in the case of my dog, occasionally squeaks through nose) curled up on their bed.
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| In my head I'm calling you all sorts of rude words. |
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| Nanny says it's rude to play with your food. Silly Nanny. |
Dogs are more blatant.
They will see rabbit, kill rabbit, fetch rabbit or eat rabbit. Let's put it this way, you wouldn't take a
cat shooting with you, they would just lurk in the undergrowth doing bad stuff.
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| Gun Dogs |
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| Gun cats. Do we see the difference! |
Cats get stuck in trees.
Dogs don't get stuck in trees.
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| . . . oh well, there's always one! |
If you put a box on the floor a cat will play and hide in
it.
When cats and dogs live together, the cat is generally to be
found curled up with the dog, on the dogs bed.
This looks cute. Cats are infact
just using the dog to seep its warmth.
When the cat has had enough of dog company it will just thwack the dog
on the nose with razor feet and walk off.
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| OK, I'll give you it, this is cute. |
Dogs are not allowed on cat beds. An ancient charter between cat and dogs.
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| Dog really pushing the boundaries here |
Cats have special stands to sharpen their claws on.
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| Need for more sharpening = 0 |
You would never encourage a dog to make any of it's bitey
scratchy bits more lethal . . . and the truth of it is, dogs are way less
likely to wait in hiding behind banisters, reach out and rip at your arm for
fun.
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| and we don't have dog claw sharpeners because our dogs claws are so sharp? |
Cat's have special little bed hammocks on radiators.
Dog's don't, but they'd love one.
In short, we allow cats to do absolutely anything they damn
well please and even go so far as to encourage and enhance their deadly behaviour,
but, it is so nice to sit down and have that beautiful, grace filled
creature curl up on your knee/body/arm/neck/head, and feel it's contented
vibration as you snuffle down together to try and read.
Dogs, we just expect them to be loyal, and
they don't fail us. They may be the
biggest gatherers of mud you will ever find, and from time to time the most
clumsy beast in town, but then, they are so full of joy, so naturally athletic
when out, so playful and, again, that feeling of a dog all curled up by your
feet gently sleeping whilst your cat is purring on your lap . . . you just
can't beat it!
Then they wake up, and
both see you are trying to read . . . . . *sigh*
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