Some serious shit

She came home 6 days ago and said "Mama, can we talk?"

She told me about how she'd had thought about hurting herself- ending her life- about how the world would be better without her.

Man, that's some heavy, serious, total fucking shit.

We took her to a hospital- diagnosed with anxiety, depression, communication disorder...

They asked her why she wanted to live. She said "Well, I kind of want to go to college. But really, it's because my baby brother needs me- when my folks are gone, I'll be the only one who can translate the world for him."

She's on day 3 of Zoloft. She's on day 4,320 of being a special needs sib. I'm on day 5, 580 of being her mom and having my heart walk around outside my chest.

I can't kiss it and make it better.

I can't wish her depression away.

I can only hope and pray and tell her I love her, that everyone who has ever met her loves her a little, and that this world would be so much darker without her light...

... and hope she hears me. And hope she thinks it isn't shit.


  1. That's some tough shit right there. Hugs to you all.

    1. Thanks, Karen. Better day by day, but still rough.


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